Lessons Learned from 5 Weeks on my Couch

Many people assume that I went stir crazy being at home for five weeks, that I must have been getting antsy to get back to work, and be "busy" again. The truth is I was and am quite happy doing what I am doing. Of course I missed my students, however, these five weeks off (mixed in with two weeks of work) have been beautiful. I've put together a list of some of the things I have learned spending time with me.

The Universe has given me the gift of solitude.
A time to be with myself, to reflect and to see all the beautiful things I have been given because of this diagnosis. From meditation, to journaling, to painting, going for a walk, hospital visits every other day, surprise hospital visits, reading, and practicing "being here now" has kept me in a good space. This has allowed my body to heal at the rate it needs too without interference of regular every day life.

My body will decide when and how and at what rate it will heal. 
Hey guess what, news flash Melanie, you cannot control when or how your body decides to heal. Just because it isn't healing at the rate I want it to, doesn't mean it isn't healing. What I can do is everything in my power to give it the energy and health it needs to do what it needs too. I have incorporated meditation, reiki, journaling, painting, green veggies like I have never eaten before in my life, quit drinking, stopped eating pasta and rice. I've added in quinoa, VEGGIES, did I mention veggies, and all sorts of other things I hadn't been eating in a long time. I can feed my body what it needs, give it all the healing power it needs, and the rest is left up to time. Our bodies are amazing, I cannot believe that it can just heal itself, the body wants to heal. It is quite amazing to see the progress.

Sometimes we are forced to live moment to moment.
I have a habit of continually thinking about the future - what am I going to do next? What is my next job after this one? What will I do on my vacation? Where else in the world do I want to live? How will I get my report cards done? What will the kids do without me at school? You get the point. With this operation I have had to focus on being in the moment. I can't actually plan ahead too much because I never know what is going to happen next. Each moment brings the next, and at any one of those moments I could be headed back into the hospital regardless of what I had planned for the day. This has translated now into my work, because I go back Monday - and I can't plan for what will happen, I just have to take it moment by moment. This is hard for me, a little out of my comfort zone, but it feels good to appreciate what is happening right now. Because life is what is happening in this moment, not in my future.

Often the things we think are the most horrible events in our lives, are actually gifts, we just have to get through the layers of the most difficult wrapping paper we have ever removed, to see the beauty that lies inside.  
I was given a skin graft where the mole was removed, and 20% did not take, and has chosen to take its own path, and not the one of speedy healing. Or it is healing, just not the way I think it "should". And although this is prolonging my recovery I have realized that this little 20% has actually been a gift.
It has given me a chance to really put into practice all that I have wanted to do over the years (meditation, healthy eating, cooking, etc.), I have been given the opportunity to get to know my doctor quite well, and the office staff - who are amazing and always remember my name. I have had dinners with friends I never would have had made time for if I was working full time, I signed up for reiki, an essential oils course, had beautiful emails from my head of school, I have enlisted the help of a naturopath, incorporated meditation, take long walks, and the list goes on! All because this one little part has chosen a different path of healing.
I realize we all have varying levels of events that have happened in our lives, and trust me, I have as well - and every single time something seemingly horrible has happened, so much good has come from it. Know one's situation is worse or better than anyone elses, there is no comparison because we are all working on whatever it is we need to work on, to get where we need to go. 

Prayer works?
I am still struggling with this one. These two months have been a bit of a spiritual journey for me. I have been getting in touch with whatever it is that keeps us going and believing in humanity and ourselves. I cannot tell you how many people wrote to me and told me they were praying for me. People that are complete strangers, close family, friends and acquaintances. It was unreal, and in the end it doesn't matter what or who people were praying too, what matters is they did. Because my diagnosis, and recovery, have been all sorts of good news.
So does prayer work? Something did, and whatever energy was sent my way has kept me going, and given me the best outcome a girl could ask for. So I'll continue to pray, in my own way - and I hope you do too. Even if it is just thinking about someone else and hoping they have a good day. Who knows, if it doesn't work, know one was hurt.

Choosing happiness is something I work on every day.
It has been two months. My healing has gone forward exponentially and taken a huge step back as well. It is a roller coaster of emotions and trusting that I am on the right path. I would be lying if I said I felt positive every day, and that making the changes I have was easy. It wasn't. It hasn't been. It still isn't. I have missed some really cool experiences with my students, and will continue to miss some of the special events in the future. I have gained insight and health that I never would have done if this hadn't have happened. What I know is this; this is my path, my journey - and I am exactly where I need to be. When I choose happiness in every moment, and see that each present from the Universe is meant to make me a better person, then no matter what happens, I can make it through.


Sending big love from Singapore. Please comment - or write - or send a little note. I'd love to hear from you. xx